I have been trying to determine the best way to approach this for a while. It is riddled with uncomfortable underlying racial connotations and it's not the easiest thing for me to be public about. However, after hearing countless examples of this persons predatory and abusive behavior from my peers, my clients, and personally being the target of this individual's racial -microaggressions and obsessive stalking for multiple years, I now feel an Austin Dominatrix | I don't need to hear anymore about my copycat or their racial prejudicesobligation to share my experiences more openly with the larger BDSM community. I don’t feel comfortable being complicit in harm happening to others by being silent for the sake of appearances even though I am taking a lot of risks by being public.
While I will not be naming any names today, one does not have to look too far to figure out the 'Domme' who I am referring to. Abusive people are able to thrive by manipulating others into isolation and silence, even gaslighting and playing the victim themselves. I’m all too aware of how these individuals operate, as I’ve unfortunately dealt with many over the course of my life and have on in more personal contexts had to advocate for the victims of these people.
I will be simply sharing the facts surrounding my experiences with this person, in order to serve as a warning to others who might interact with them, and to encourage anyone else who has been the target of this abuse to speak out and know that you are not alone. There are many others who feel the same way that you do. This person is not respected in our community, merely tolerated, as many don't speak out because they don't want to be on the end of the things this person does. I hear what's said in whispers. I have over the course of years tried to support and provide an understanding outlet for the large volume of individuals this person has targeted. They manipulate and coerce others into silence claiming that the one-for-all solidarity of the BDSM industry should excuse them from predatory behavior towards marginalized groups and other Dommes. They take advantage of people’s empathy and lure them into letting their guard down by playing the victim and isolate new targets from the stories of formers.
I myself had it hinted at me that something was off but in ways that was easy for me to pass off as unimportant and I myself didn’t believe the people effected by this person. Which is today shameful for me to admit. As a profressional my goal was to get along with everyone, not let differences get in the way, and not rock the boat. I went through the same set of stages with this person everyone else did. Hoqever no one truly warned me, and if I was warned I would’ve been able to protect myself. This is why I do not believe in silence.
I have heard many horror stories about this person. The targets of this person are more than I can count on my fingers. They target vulnerable individuals and groom them, and love bomb them while gathering info on trauma and other factors that can be used to harm before switching on them to abuse in isolation from former targets, and outside visibility. This person also sets up a false dichotomy that there is no support and no one will believe you if someone says no to nonconsensual harm, speaks up or walks away. Of the usual targets are new Dommes, those who are less connected or having just left an abusive relationship, and in particular femmes,transgender individuals, those of color and people with a particular kind of trauma cannot discuss publicly. Every person I am aware this happened to has been in some way negatively affected for many years after the fact.
They masquerade as a champion for the oppressed, while they harbor deep internal prejudice and a superiority complex towards people of certain ethnicities and they are generally very psychologically abusive and exploitative towards people within the general sex industry. This is a toxic person. In spite of their outward persona of being an anti-discriminatory, anti-racist, ally to marginalized groups, they have proven themselves to be quite the opposite and deeply harmful. My mother is black. I was born in a predominantly black country. I’ve grown up with racism and have for the most part accepted that it is simply an unfortunate reality of life, that which I have largely learned to ignore.
One specific incident with this person was particularly disturbing. I was personally invited to this person's location without knowledge that it was also prior to a session of theirs. They made an effort to disclose to me they had a collaboration coming up and made emphasis to disclose that the sub had requested “no black people” in the session. This person was happy to oblige to his racial needs and when I showed no significant negative reaction she upped the ante by smirking at me and telling me how she was "picked" by these men. This was set up to get a reaction and while I never gave the reaction this person wanted I was disgusted and dumbfounded.
Seeing that was highly disappointing for me. I wanted to doubt my own eyes and ears. I tried to convince myself it wasn't real. It didn't make sense with the woke facade this person was wearing. Was I really duped into feeling safe and comfortable because of that? The strongest most supportive people who empowered me within my upbringing, whose personalities I embodied, my role models, were black women. I do not ever support such bigotry. This experience with this person was gross.
Modern prejudice is almost never overt, it's covert, done indirectly or in secret. Racial microaggressions come with the dynamic of invisibility. The denial of individual racism is commonplace. I have had some very direct personal experiences with it. It's trashy and extremely unnecessary.
Prior to this incident and for several years after, this person has plagiarized, mimicked and copied my work on countless occasions as well aware I had a condition that deeply effects my writing. To the clients who point this out to me on nearly a monthly basis: Yes, I am well aware that one of my industry peers regularly grifts and copies me. In every trade or profession it is commonplace to mirror those around you who have been successful. You observe, you learn and you blend what you have learned with your own style. I am aware that I am a role model to some people. I would not be who I am without the great Dommes who came before me as well. Imitation is the highest form of flattery after all. This is well and good, however this person’s actions go far beyond the norm.
There is also a long history of black artists having their work exploited and repackaged under a “more acceptable” white image. It is a very common and well known manifestation of racial aggression towards people of color that is designed to keep down certain creative people of color with very little in protection against it. People who experience this covert form of racism are forced into odd positions of trying to prove and defend themselves, having their experience minimized, etc. There is a lot of material written about this and I have provided at least one link to on the subject here.
I do think that people who are educated in such matters, are aware of the historical connotations of those things and know that derogatory actions may reopen a lot of old racial trauma in some people. To someone who isn't on the end of that experience it may be hard for them to see, it may be easy to try to minimize because they themselves don't think that way and can't imagine doing that to someone themselves. And even more if someone hasn't experienced that themselves.
I've continuously had parts of my content copied and pasted word for word. This person does this for two reasons. Things are pivoted to and changed in short order when I do. In other contexts more recently my content is often paraphrased to skirt a DMCA notice. I am not saying by no means the only Domme who has dealt with this grifting or word for word copy and pasting. I have heard of and seen incredibly brazen examples from others. I tend to be a particularly frequent target of it and a variety of other microaggressions as since I was outspoken about racial bigotry of this person and also protecting the identities of others who were dealing with harm from this person. It this persons way of trying to get at others who won't interact. I am a valuable target in order to show to others what will happen if you don't put up with this person's behavior and thus this person partakes on more to try to get me to be quiet. When taken into consideration with the larger racial prejudice this person has displayed, it becomes clear that this is something far more sinister.
In addition in my personal experience this person has also been malicious even going as far as dip frequently in psychologically and emotionally abusive behavior towards myself and I have witness this person to this to towards other femmes in far more vulnerable positions or states than I who where just in the general community. I suffer from C-PTSD from violence long before I was a professional and I made the mistake of this person getting information out of me about it. They have regularly mocked co-occurring disabilities I have with my PTSD and manage in secret to weaponized my ptsd triggers. When confronted, their go to is to gaslight and play the victim (to those who ever experiencing this, this person frequently uses a common manipulative tactic known as DARVO). I had also experienced extremely deranged seemingly unprovoked psychological abuse by this person in other ways that dips into more than I feel comfortable having online. I'm also aware this person actively made light of another individual's childhood sexual abuse by making comments it’s a sign a parent loves the child more, and insinuated it's a competition for sexually abused child siblings to gain more sexual attention from the abuser and other disgusting deranged beliefs and vomit inducing comments. This is GROSS as a Domme to hear. Some clients I have known have this kind of trauma and use BDSM as a way of processing and alongside therapy with a licensed professional. I cannot imagine saying these things.
When it became clear this was a toxic person and not someone who had my best interest in mind, I removed myself from this individual like any normal person would. I did so in the most non-confrontational way I could. Their reaction was to get enraged completely copy and paste the entire swaths of an version of my website I've since overhauled, to make a strange 2nd catfishing site of me, harassed my work number, try to get me isolated, try to ban and control people from interacting with me and all the other weird crazy ex nonsense. All because it was offensive I had removed myself from that behavior and I did not feel good being expected to support tearing down and being involved in this person’s constant side quests to tear down other femmes. I am a Dominatrix, I'm in a powerful role that uplifts the feminine and feels contradictory to be supporting any person whose primary focus is on tearing down, manipulating and harming swaths of other femmes let alone be a racial bigot on top of that. This person also harassed me in a variety of other passive ways for years on end, pursued me and did things to try to cox me to unalive myself when I was in a very vulnerable state right before and after removing myself from this person.
I have experienced abnormal highly unwell weekly stalking behavior for several years. I went zero contact with this person years ago. And yet, rather than getting the hint, they have evolved an obsessive stalking of me on various places online and even offline. I have simply ignored and refused to acknowledge it for a long time despite risks to my safety as I do not know what kinds of unsafe individuals might be given certain info on me and my on-goings. I have had personal information about me revealed inappropriately to clients, and had to my awareness certain information seeked out about me despite zero contact for over three years and this individual being aware I do not want contact. I've been smeared for not being around it, I've had crazy nonsense done to me. Despite it being ineffective, it's still mental. As a grown adult woman I've had rather bad attempts to bully me into hiding my content or feel bad about my disabilities to get under my skin somehow. This person does these things to show this person can do whatever this person wants to non-consenting individuals and "stick it to me", reopen wounds around my race, and commit to the idea that rebranding as white is cool with a false facade of being woke to cover up the shame. I would not be here had I not taken much of the money I had and invested it into getting very intense care. This was no small matter. This only illustrates how unsafe and predatory and absolutely unwell this individual is.
What is worse is I have seen and been told of this happening over and over for years to varying degrees to others.
When I was around this person my health declined significantly. I had incapacitating depression, panic attacks around being online and everything work related gave me immense anxiety. I was preoccupied with hiding harm to myself and pretending I was okay. Most of all I felt anger. I could not believe I let that in my life and just sat around and let someone insult color to my face. There is a stigma as a professional dominatrix that you are invincible to an extent and those things should not happen to you and thus you should not talk about them. But that illustrates just how awful and toxic it is for anyone to be in very close proximity as frequently as I was around microaggressions, racial bigotry and an expectation to support this person's facade else deal with harassment for years after. This person embark on non-consensual and quite vile form of psychological abuse based motivated by a variety of hateful beliefs I just couldn't keep going along with.
I was only one example of this person finding something personal about someone to use as a platform for hate. In lesser contexts I also had first hand accounts of seeing this person's obsessive stewing over other Dommes, making passive remarks about other womens weight, scrolling and hating on their ads and content, screenshotting their content to copy and paste to get back at them for looking too "successful" and stalking a slew of former femmes they had been vapidly abusive toward and using them as examples of what happens is other sw’s speak up about this person. I witnessed her track down online where some person she didn't like would be and drag me with her to the location to help her “intimidate” this person under the guise we were just going somewhere. I have also seen the person attempt to make examples of Dommes who don’t want to interact with her by trying to get them isolated from the local community and resources. This is one sided as she actually feels that she is entitled to access to being within the homes, spaces or events held in private spaces by Dommes she’s harmed.
Imagine being this desperate for male attention and getting "picked" to the extent of being that much of a jackass to other women. This is a child. Some of these things are the kind of things a 12 yr old bully does and this person’s childish behavior drags down other women to this person's level, namely in the form of reactive abuse, because these femmes simply want to be able to do their job. This person attempts to disrupt them from being able to operate and push very wonderful people into hiding or dimming themselves. This person is excessively toxic and completely preoccupied with consuming jealousy and hatred. This person also doesn't believe in basic and fundamental normal respect of creative boundaries of other Dommes either. I am respectful of the works of other Dommes because I know this profession comes with enough stress already. It doesn't take much effort for me to do so. These are the same normal things generally followed such as not outing others in the industry to clients and respect of not disclosing personal info like on someones child to clients. Basic things. But this person does not believe these things apply to others besides themselves. I have seen people this person has harmed even try to be logical with this person and try to help this person or set boumdaries, including myself, and this person instead progresses into true abuse to anyone who expresses compassion who is another femme.
The above are just the asides from just to show how consumed with even micro levels of toxicity when this person was when the were not busy being abusive. There is no barrier to entry in this industry, someone can enter it and be a very dangerous, awful and abusive and there are subs who are undiscerning and none the wiser.
After my experiences with this person I did what is responsible as a profressional and I seeked plenty of care, therapy from a wonderful femme who helped people with racial trauma and I've committed to being very outspoken against this persons incredibly harmful and predatory behavior. The amazing woman I met helped me focus more on helping me recognize what represented excellence as a woman of color which was my honed volume of talents. She helped me lean into it and helped me use it as a foundation in my work which is what you see now. So of course this individual who was strangely racial to me, who is so hyper-fixated on "sticking it to me" somehow would target the very things I used to build back up myself after such gross experiences. It is difficult to be vulnerable, especially online, where you're open to peoples judgment, stigma from potential clients and likely to just go through the experience of being told to hide it again. I instead absolved to find communities that I feel safer and supported in that are not so easy for strange racial things to occur in in private. I stay somewhat protective in my profession nowadays. What I keep online is the tip of an iceberg so to speak and I like to keep it that way.
In reality I'm just tired. Things like prejudice have been a subtle part of my life experience I never asked for. I don't want to be constantly reminded about my race. I don't want to think about other’s race. You're pressured into thinking you're not allowed to be outraged by those things and to not be outraged by someone who negatively impacts so many femmes and I have for years been really suppressed from speaking about it....and naturally anyone called out on that will try to save their image and never be accountable. That is what I expect. Instead just continue and probably learn that this is okay to do to others as they have. So on and so forth. Some people use the guise of being Tops to cover up what are actually abusive behaviors because it's easy to dismiss when people react to it and it can be allowed to run rampant unchecked. This is specific to actual real abuse, not differences in approach. There is also the nature of this industry that works against people who are exploited or harmed. Most of the people in this industry are supportive wonderful people. Some of the most beautiful amazing relationships I have are with other Dommes in this industry. If someone has never encountered someone who is so toxic and hateful selectively to femmes from within the industry, it’s naturally very hard to really believe someone can be that way. That was how I was.
What this person additionally did with my ptsd was an incredible display of abusive behavior and consciously deliberate, through the truly worse things I can’t even disclose as a professional online. I was doing nothing more than enjoying my job and I truly cannot put words to or express the pain that I have experienced and others have because of this person. I do not know how those person can look at themselves everyday. People in this industry already go through enough, they don’t need abuse from within. They need support from each other. Despite much of the care I invest in I still have to pay for an expensive physical biological intervention since what happened to me because I developed such a physical trauma response to this person over time. That was something that could not just be fixed with therapy alone. That’s just how real this person's abuse is. No one, absolutely no one, should have to do that because they continue to be exposed to and stalked by a new abuser on top of trauma they’ve already had to heal. That's not a solution someone should have to do just to continue what they love. All of what this person does to extends far outside of just professionals but into wider social settings. I knowing so many horror stories about this person this could be dangerous to a person who might be certain states of mind. I would not feel okay with myself as a women in a position of power, to sit and wait till something far worse happen or this community looses someone unnecessarily because this idiots fetish for trying to get vulnerable women who've been harmed by men to self harm or unalive themselves. Why? Because she looses control and harms women over perceived male. attention. Her identity revolves around getting "picked". That's the complete opposite of femme dominance.
Here's what is most important though. This person in reality has no power over wider, more important parts of my life and she shouldn't on other individuals either. I don't want clients who think only in terms of my color as a "disqualification". This person by putting all their brain power into how they can harm other women rather than developing as a Domme has had this reflect in their work. This person joked about how you can just say anything in advertisements and skill doesn’t matter. You can say your and artists and not be creative, yadda yadda. In regards to passing off a large volume of work as their own - By also going for many years only being disjointed patchwork of things from other amazing femmes this person attempts to pass off as their own they’re also destroying themselves with brand in-congruence. I'll put something a little spicy out there and say this person didn't session that much, this persons client quality was subpar and this person actually has to go out of there way to fake being busy so her quote "enemies" will see it. All the profressionals in comparison she attempted to do these things to are the opposite. The very thing this person things works for themselves is what causes that issue. That person's preoccupation with being unable to survive the terror of other women existing has actually etched itself into this persons presence, and entire vibe. The recycled material very obviously shows, while a person may not know where it is from or be able to put their finger quite on why something seems wrong - something does feel scammy and very incongruent to what is being shown. I have been asked by clients, not just ones who have seen me but by random people shopping around, if someone is a scammer and had this person described or this persons linked sent to me. I tell these people that yes that is a practicing Domme and leave it at that. However that illustrates just how bad this person's whole presentation vs branding is. It’s incongruent with who this person is as a whole because it’s not this persons material. That is something this person can’t hide and a drastic in-congruence makes people appear untrustworthy. This person's lack of care and years of not putting in the same level of effort in their work as other Dommes very obviously shows as well. They're nowhere near the same level as the skilled phenomenal people I have known that they have tried to destroy and tear down.
So why should I be bothered by that particular brand of this persons nonsense? If it's meant to make me angry, get under my skin, "stick it to me",it's failing quite miserably. In this embarking of trying to take advantage of societal bias and racial advantage this person by trying to rebrand everything I do under a white image it's failing. However I am not okay with real abuse, I am someone who make a pattern to this day of duping, luring in and producing more victims of that behavior. I once knew an a very predatory man whom professionals managed to keep out of this community after a lot of damage sexual assault, and psychological harm was done to countless women. This person is cut of the same cloth and practices many of the same exact behaviors. I see the same pattern of victims walking blind into that dynamic, getting love bombed and triangulated, even defending the abuser until it happens to them. There is a very specific set of pathology whom this distinctive pattern of abuse show up with and it can be difficult to watch.
My job is about what I deliver in kink, how I can create something memorable and skilled. Engaging with bigoted behavior doesn't help with that. Instead I focus on my skills and being good at what I do. I don't have time for bigotry. I hate even taking the time to write about it but I do it so at least others won't be so blind as I was or feel they need to gaslight themselves because it appears like you can't talk about it. When it comes to me personally in the end it's this idiots obsession with me -years of obsessing. This person needs me to stay quiet and not "run my mouth". Obsessing over me, being that threatened by my existence, my art, and whatever I may do tells me, as a person who is extremely critical of my own work all the time, that I am doing something incredible. If someone has to use me as a role model for everything despite a massive amount of hate and racial prejudice I consider that a pretty dam good indicator I must be doing something amazing. It also gives me a lot of control over this persons decisions, advertising and general life. I am the blueprint this person refers to.
I am very focused on what I produce, whether it is a session, the mental elements of what a sub experiences, a commissioned fetish illustration, toys or furniture I make, my photography, the essence I portray and anything else I choose to include as a prodomme. There is a reason that despite all this I am a Domme who has subs fly out from other states and countries to see me. There is a reason why I don’t need to go very hard on advertising. I am good at what I do. And I’m good at it because my energy is not focused on hate, tearing down other femmes and being in general a bigot about color or normal differences. I am not so threatened by what someone else offers that I don't that I am willing to try to stretch what they offer to loosely tack in on in hopes to get "picked". I would never focus on being a sampler platter of what every other Dommes is specific to in hopes to get "picked". Because that's stupid to think things work like that. I want other Dommes to do well, I don’t see my peers as competition and I generally respect my peers work and practice creative integrity in my profession. All those other things are below me as I am very confident in my capability engineer my own work.
I do encourage subs specifically to be discerning. While I cannot say some things, this person cares a lot more about investing mental energy into thing others than caring about the education Domme's strive to obtain and retain. When it comes to a large volume of stolen work a lack of creative integrity is also an indicator of lack of care and laziness in other things. People who are truly creative don't need to stoop that low as they feel compelled to create their own work and are more than capable of it. When it comes to abuse, think of the lack of empathy it requires for someone to abuse people who try to show them compassion, love and build them up and how that lack of empathy plays a role in your boundaries and safety.
Because I have had some other ongoing concerns with aggressive forms of stalking, trying to get my location for example through clients in the past, I discourage clients from disclosing information about my location, my dungeons space and various identifying details to prevent more nefarious forms of harassment.
At this time I have spiritually removed myself completely to this person with the support I have around me. I have removed myself from any effects this person can have on me and the seeds of hatred this person has tried to plant in me when I was at a very vulnerable point in my private life. I have transmuted those things into love and strength to put myself in a line of judgement so others can make there own informed decisions in regards of what they are to expect and tolerate and that is really all you can do. I have already accepted if certain things escalate I will have to find legal recourse as unfortunately it is a lot worse than what I am choosing to disclose publicly. What I can do is warn others and comfort that inevitably these kinds of people destroy themselves - or just burn through harming so many people it works against them.
I resolve to funneling all of that into something better to transmute it away from myself. After all the essence of my domination is doing just that. I am transforming, in a healthy way, the shadows within the psyche into something pleasing and naturally I take unpleasantries of my own mind and turn them into something productive and beautiful. Things can be turn into pleasure, freedom, and a release that lends to enjoyable happiness. I choose to continue pouring my heart into what I do and recognizing my successes, as well as lifting up others who may have had similar experiences to what I have written.
Austin Dominatrix
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